A shocking incident took place not so long ago in Russia’s Tver region. A 44-year-old man, named only as Alexander K. attempted to have sex with a raccoon. The predator bit a big piece of the man’s most cherished organ off.

“We could not believe it when we had a call from a hospital inquiring about a specialist to conduct the autopsy of a raccoon who had choked on a man’s penis!” a vet doctor said. “The man has had a hard time, of course, but this story cracks me up every single time I think about it,” he added.

Alexander K, a native of Volgograd, could never imagine that his outdoor weekend with his friends would have the most terrible ending possible.

It was a men-only party, with lots of vodka and dirty jokes. In the middle of the party the men had a guest from the natural world – they noticed a beast, which looked like a cat, they later said.

“It was a cute black and white fluffy animal with huge green eyes and a gorgeous tail,” the unluckiest of the men said. “We decided to have fun and caught the beast. A friend of mine told me that the raccoon was a kind and caring animal. Since we had no women in the company I thought that the raccoon could take care of me,” the man said.

Alexander pulled out his penis and got down on his knees in front of the animal. The vicious raccoon suddenly attacked the man’s penis and bit off a large piece of the man’s pride.

Alexander lost almost a half of his penis. Blood was gushing out of the lacerated wound. His friends did everything they could to help their wounded brother and called the ambulance.

Surgeons said that they would not be able to do anything to recreate the penis. They only managed to stop the bleeding and sent the man to the Moscow-based institute of urology.

“We were shocked with what we saw. How could anyone ever think of doing anything like that? He was lucky that the beast was healthy. We examined the body of the raccoon and did not find rabies. We told the man that he could have a plastic surgery of the penis to have it recreated. On the other hand, he obviously needs to have his head examined, not the penis,” a doctor said.

Pe scurt – un barbat de 44 ani din Rusia aa vrut sa faca sex cu un raton care i-a muscat jumatate din penis si s-a innecat cu el.

Un mos si o baba, sot si sotie mor intr-un accident si ajung in Rai. Acolo ingerul de serviciu ii duce pe o plaja plina de palmieri si cu o casa superba si le spune:

- Acum tot ce aveti de facut in Rai este sa stati aici si sa va bucurati de toate.

Mosul se intoarce catre baba si ii zice:

- Vezi ce proasta ai fost? Puteam sa fim aici de 10 ani dar nuuuuu… tu vroiai sa mancam sanatos!
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La un spital de nebuni, într-un salon, nebunii sareau pe pat. La un moment dat, intra în salon directorul cu o comisie.

- De ce sariti pe pat?, întreaba directorul.

- Pentru ca suntem taitei!

- Bine, bine, dar cu aia doi de pe candelabru ce e?

- Pai, aia doi s-au lipit de capac!
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Ionel si Marioara erau amandoi pacienti intr-un spital de boli mintale. Intr-o zi, pe cand se plimbau pe langa piscina spitalului, Ionel a sarit brusc in apa, a inotat pana la fund si a ramas acolo. Marioara a sarit repede sa-l salveze. A inotat si ea pana la fund si l-a scos pe Ionel din apa. La auzul acestei fapte eroice, asistenta sefa a ordonat ca Marioara sa fie externata din spital, deoarece o considera acum stabila mintal. Asistenta s-a dus la Marioara sa-i dea vestea si i-a spus:

- Marioara, am o veste buna si una rea. Vestea buna este ca vei fi externata; din moment ce ai fost capabila sa reactionezi in mod rational la o criza si sa salvezi viata unui alt pacient, am ajuns la concluzia ca fapta ta dovedeste o deplina sanatate mintala.

Vestea rea e ca Ionel, pacientul pe care l-ai salvat, s-a spanzurat cu cordonul de la halat in baie. Imi pare nespus de rau, dar a murit.

La aceasta, Marioara raspunse:

- Nu s-a spanzurat. L-am pus eu acolo sa se usuce